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• Buy my t-shirts! http://56567.spreadshirt.com/us/US/Shop/ #

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Hey all,

Looking for a way to show your unwavering devotion to me, Emperor Palpatine? Well, then, look no further than my Spreadshirt store. There’s only one design up, now, but it’s available in a ton of different styles. I highly recommend you getting one. Or four. Or eight hundred and seven.

The first shirt says “I use the Force. Have you heard of it?”

Very stylish, yes?

Buy your own here: http://56567.spreadshirt.com/us/US/Shop/

Hey all,

My sewing circle went a little long yesterday, which pushed back the test we’d set up of our Coronal Discharge Gun — an upshot to all Stormtroopers being identical is that we can deatomize as many as we want to without the union reps noticing — and, anyway, long story short, the next episode won’t be out until tomorrow. Never fear, though, it’ll be a good one: I’m continuing to get a lot of really great questions, which I — along with the whole empire — thank you for.

• @dcolanduno It’s a fun language/framework. #
• 10 Reasons I should be president: http://tinyurl.com/2t24jj #

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Greetings. I have been following the US presidential elections with no small amount of interest, though I have been disappointed to see that no one has turned to me and asked if I would be running for president. I know that I’m not eligible, as I wasn’t born in the US — or Earth or this galaxy — but I believe that I would prove the most worthy successor to George Bush than any of the other candidates. Here are several reasons, which you will agree with:

1. I have extensive experience ruling. – I ruled the Republic for 4 years, and ruled the Galactic Empire™ for over thirty.
   
   
2. I have experience in both war-time and peace-time. – I have ruled during a time of war, when I was assuming power, and during a time of peace, when I used my unlimited power to destroy anyone who said that my Mission wasn’t Accomplished.
   
   
3. I have experience hiding and using weapons of mass destruction. – I understand both sides of this problem: first, I built an army of clones in private. Then, I unleashed wave after wave of super-weapons on troublemakers in my district.
   
   
4. I believe in the separation of church and state. – I understand the vital need to keep religion away from the seat of power. I have spent decades trying not just to strip the Jedi of their government-sanctioned authority, but to destroy them altogether.
   
   
5. I view things in the long-term. – While I don’t care about things like the environment, I do understand the kind of thinking needed to solve those problems. For example, it took me seventy-five years to assume unquestioned control over the entire galaxy, but I did it, slowly and methodically. I planned. It’s this kind of forethought I would put into fixing the environment. If I actually wanted to do that.
   
   
6. I distrust the democratic process. – I didn’t wait to be legally elected, I manipulated the weak-minded around me and got them to usher me into office through the back door, because I know what’s best for the people, whether they know (or agree) with it or not.
   
   
7. And civil liberties. – Seriously, who’s a bigger enemy of civil liberties than I am? Certainly not the president. Where he waffles in his support of absolute servility of the populace, I built a private army to get results. And I did. I didn’t just run a fascist state — I ran a fascist galaxy.
   
   
8. I am a republican. – It’s true. I have one of the laminated cards, and everything.
   
   
9. I know how to suppress an uprising. – My secret? It’s a little thing called the Death Star.™ Why waste time searching rebels out individually, on their own turf? The more cost-efficient way is to simply explode the planet they’re hiding on.
   
   
10.  I ended the war I started. – When I took unlimited power, I promised to end the separatist movement, which I also created, and I did, which is more than a certain two-term president can claim.
    
    

As you can see, I am totally qualified.