Greetings. I have been following the US presidential elections with no small amount of interest, though I have been disappointed to see that no one has turned to me and asked if I would be running for president. I know that I’m not eligible, as I wasn’t born in the US — or Earth or this galaxy — but I believe that I would prove the most worthy successor to George Bush than any of the other candidates. Here are several reasons, which you will agree with:

1. I have extensive experience ruling. - I ruled the Republic for 4 years, and ruled the Galactic Empire™ for over thirty.
   
   
2. I have experience in both war-time and peace-time. - I have ruled during a time of war, when I was assuming power, and during a time of peace, when I used my unlimited power to destroy anyone who said that my Mission wasn’t Accomplished.
   
   
3. I have experience hiding and using weapons of mass destruction. - I understand both sides of this problem: first, I built an army of clones in private. Then, I unleashed wave after wave of super-weapons on troublemakers in my district.
   
   
4. I believe in the separation of church and state. - I understand the vital need to keep religion away from the seat of power. I have spent decades trying not just to strip the Jedi of their government-sanctioned authority, but to destroy them altogether.
   
   
5. I view things in the long-term. - While I don’t care about things like the environment, I do understand the kind of thinking needed to solve those problems. For example, it took me seventy-five years to assume unquestioned control over the entire galaxy, but I did it, slowly and methodically. I planned. It’s this kind of forethought I would put into fixing the environment. If I actually wanted to do that.
   
   
6. I distrust the democratic process. - I didn’t wait to be legally elected, I manipulated the weak-minded around me and got them to usher me into office through the back door, because I know what’s best for the people, whether they know (or agree) with it or not.
   
   
7. And civil liberties. - Seriously, who’s a bigger enemy of civil liberties than I am? Certainly not the president. Where he waffles in his support of absolute servility of the populace, I built a private army to get results. And I did. I didn’t just run a fascist state — I ran a fascist galaxy.
   
   
8. I am a republican. - It’s true. I have one of the laminated cards, and everything.
   
   
9. I know how to suppress an uprising. - My secret? It’s a little thing called the Death Star.™ Why waste time searching rebels out individually, on their own turf? The more cost-efficient way is to simply explode the planet they’re hiding on.
   
   
10.  I ended the war I started. - When I took unlimited power, I promised to end the separatist movement, which I also created, and I did, which is more than a certain two-term president can claim.
    
    

As you can see, I am totally qualified.