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• Oh, man, book club tonight was AMAZING. We all had such a great cry over the ending of "The Bridges of Madison County." #
• Big day: yesterday we leveled the only hospital on Gelbreth IV and today we’re turning it into a skating rink. #

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I just saw that my never-graduating apprentice, Darth Vader, has just joined a rock band. There seems to be some misunderstandings about what’s going on. Allow me to set the record straight:

• First of all, “Dark Lord” is not a job you can walk away from, okay? It’s a life-long commitment. If you want out, you have to be dead. No exceptions.
• Secondly, Vader and I are fine. We’re tight. He’s like a son to me (and the fact that I manipulated the living force to create him inside the womb of a slave-woman on Tatooine makes him feel even more like a son to me), and I’m like his father (again, partly because I technically am). We have Ultimate Frisbee tonight on Bespin, and all indications are that we’re still a go.
• Thirdly, the musical issues? That’s been blown way out of proportion; I like muzak — I find it mindless and soothing, and it helps me get into my meditative states — and he doesn’t. He wants all of the speaker systems in the Empire to start playing “War Pigs” every time he’s in the vicinity of him, but he didn’t want to have to pay for the installation costs of it (the fact that we’d probably go with Wookie slave labor for it is immaterial). Man, he’s crazy for that song.

So I wanted to clear that up. Vader and I are still on good terms, we’re still working together, and his band on the side? He’s been wanting to do that for years. Years. And anyway I knew he was going to join it because I am, hello, I am the Dark Lord of the Sith. I have this ability to look into the future. Maybe you’ve heard of it?

Big day: yesterday we leveled the only hospital on Gelbreth IV and today we’re turning it into a skating rink.